The Past Never Dies
by JJBluebell
Summary: Set after S4 E17. Sam's past starts chasing him, a part of his past not even Dean knows, a secret he holdS more guilt for than anything he's ever done, even more than Jess. PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT ME TO UPDATE!
1. Remembering Her

As Dean and Sam get ready to hit the road again, both their memories restored, Sam changes in the bathroom of 'Dean Smiths' apartment, he open's his bag and pulls out a silver pendant of St Jude, examining it closely, he turns the pendant over and runs a finger over the indentation 'J.B' and smiles sadly "I cant believe I forgot about you!" then fist's the necklace and pulls it over his head, tucking it under his shirt, away from Deans questioning eyes.

As Sam waits penitently for Dean against the car he pulls out his phone and hesitantly scrolls down and frown's at the name before him, he presses the call and places the phone to his ear, waiting for that voice. It goes straight to answer phone and he closes his eyes, listening to the sweet angelic voice _"hey, this is JJ, if I didn't pick up then am busy or pissed at you! Hehe, jus kidding, or not, maybe. Just leave a message an if I think your worth my time I'll call you back, if not, to bad! Peace bitch's!" _he smiles at the message "hey it Sam… I miss you" then hangs up quickly, seeing Dean heading his way.

As they drive away from the normal life that was never theirs, Sam looks blankly out the window "hey Sammy, what was some trip they gave us right?" his only response is a faint nod "am so frickin hungry, we got'a get some food man, am thinking pie! Sound good to you? Sammy? You ok man?" he pulls the dazed man from his thoughts "yeah man am good, jus thinking bout some stuff." his voice laced with concern Dean asks "what about? You not still after the apple pie life after what jus happened?" Sam shakes his head "no, jus wonder'in bout some stuff I forgot while we we're bein 'average Joe'" Dean nods thinking he understands, but Sam knows he doesn't.

It's been just over a week since the brothers got a glimpse of the ignorance of normality, and they've been feeling strange, watched, Sam in particular. He makes regular call's that he try's to hide from Dean, but he notices when his brother sneak's off, but doesn't push it.

After they find the 'Supernatural' books and get the real name of the author they head for his house. As they show a nervous Chuck their arsenal, Sam looks over to the far end of the road and sees a figure in a indigo blue hooded cloak, the shadow of the hood covering the strangers face "Sammy, you ok?" dean questions with worry. As Sam turns to his brother then back, he finds the figure vanished "am fine" and turns back to the house.

As Dean places out the hex bags, Sam steps out, taking another mysterious call. Dean quickly moves over to his baby brothers bag and starts digging, trying to find something to explain his brothers behaviour, he grasps a small purple note pad, and opens it. Flicking though the book he find's random sketches and old poems in girls handwriting, quickly deciding it must be Jessica's, he goes to place it back in the bag, but as he dose something falls from within the pages. Dean bends and picks up the fallen image and looks at it closely, the picture has three figures standing in front of a diner, a younger Sam on the left, probably not long after he'd left for Stanford, a backwards capped older man, unshaven and in a flannel shirt, to the right and a small, milky skinned, well curved, brunette, crystal blue eyed girl in the centre, smiling brightly. He quickly puts the picture and book back as Sam renters and cant help but wonder what his brothers hiding from him.

Lilith takes a seat on the bed "don't worry Sammy, I can help. Make you forget what you did! How everything you love ends up dead! Even what you did to her, to poor, sweet JJ. Wouldn't you like that" Sam starts walking to the bed where Lilith sits and grasps the chain around his neck, as he dose his vision blurs, a smile, a laugh, tears and blood all from the same someone, he remembers. Suddenly the door slams open "I am the prophet Chuck!" declares the scruffy little man and Lilith groans and as light emerges from the windows she's smoked out of the pretty dental hygienist.

As they pack up, Dean turns to Chuck "well Chuck, it's been swell. Keep in touch if you get anything we need to know! And, um, no more telling the world everythin bout us!" the scruffy man nods nervously with a small smile. While Dean gets into the car Chuck looks to Sam "hey Chuck…" but the writer holds up his hand and says "Sam listen, you need to tell Dean about her, about what happened back at Stanford, trust me, ok, or he'll just find out anyway." taken back, Sam turns slightly "I cant, I just cant. It's my burden, not his!" Chuck nod and asks "or maybe you just don't want to share because if you do, then it's real, you have to face it, have to move on." Sam stairs at the prophet blankly "bye Chuck" and walks to his side of the car.

Driving down a country road. The rear window is still busted, still clumsily covered in a tarp flapping in the wind. Dean turns to his brother and asks "So a deal, huh?" not looking him in the eye Sam answers "That's what she said." still intrigued Dean continues "To call the whole thing off - Angels, seals, Lucifer rising, the whole nine?" with a blank reply from Sam "That was the gist of it." Dean turn to him and questions "hey…um…I was looking for some salt the other day and I found a book and a picture in you bag, wanna tell me who they are, who the book belongs to?" Sam immediately tenses and sighs "just some old friends" and stairs out the window, silently declaring the conversation over, not letting Dean witness his glazed over eyes, his pain, his regret, his guilt.


	2. Adam Who?

After what happened in the car and with Lilith. Dean dropped the subject of the picture and book he found, especially after he asked a few days later and Sam freaked, throwing a beer bottle at the motel wall, screaming at Dean to leave it alone, then storming out and not coming back until two days later, completely wasted. As Dean carried the wobbly, drunken man over to his bed, he could hear him mumbling incoherent sentences, but only managed to make out the odd phrase or two, such as _'am so sorry JJ' _and _'Forgive me!'. _Dean looked down to his sleeping brother and couldn't help but notice the tear tracks painted over his pained face, It was then Dean knew that this was maybe the one thing he didn't know about Sam, who this JJ was, and a part of him didn't want to know what could coarse his baby brother, who fought monsters and watched his mother and girlfriend burn alive, to be in so much pain that he couldn't tell his oldest confidant. That fact scared Dean more than any of the things he's faced, Azazel, Lilith, even Hell!

As Dean wakes he finds Sam searching the car franticly "Dude what you doin?" Sam grumbles angrily "have you seen a St Jude necklace anywhere?" Dean shakes his head in confusion "nope! didn't even know you had one." and Sam just starts ripping their bags apart "well I do and I cant find it!" worried by Sam's behaviour over a stupid necklace, he heads to ask about it, but instead hears a phone chime from in the glove box, his Dad's phone.

After Dean arranges a meet up with Adam Milligan, Sam hit's the research, putting aside the lost pendant for now, but his eyes search the floor as they drive, even as they race hastily to the address Adam gave them of a local diner in his town, meeting him for lunch. Dean is nothing but suspicious and pissed, while Sam try's to find the logic, his dad wasn't just a hunter or a father, he was a man, and men have needs.

As they wait for Adam, Dean switches his cutlery with pure silver and empty's his glass of water into a nearby plant, refilling the glass with holy water. Sam tries again to reason with his brother that the situation may very well be true, and not some scheme plotted by the latest thing that wants them dead, but Dean wont hear of it and insists that it's all lies. As Adam enters he questions the boys on Johns death, then the waitress brings him some water, which dean snakes, making Adams only choice the Holy water. Both brothers watch in anticipation, to see how he reacts to each test, but nothing.

As the day progresses Dean finds Adam telling the truth, Sam finds the old case their dad worked on and then nail marks going under Adam's mom, Kate's, bed, leading to a hidden vent, Dean crawls into the vent only to find blood, hair and flesh.

The next night, after telling Adam everything and hiding out in his house, Dean goes back to the tomb that the newest collection of body's where taken from and discovers a hidden tunnel. Crawling his way though he find the leftovers of Joe the bartender, but at hearing a banging noise he looks though the tunnel and starts shooting, caving it in. he wonders the older part of the tomb in search for an escape. He notices fresh blood on a near by coffin and opens it, showing him the feasted upon corpse of Kate Milligan. He looks around quickly and his light shines on another coffin, but this one has strange markings covering it, he opens it to find Adam, who gasps painfully "thank god! your one of them, one of my brothers?" Dean only nods "Am Dean" and takes a look at the boys injuries "she said you'd come! Said you'd save me!" noticing his wounds aren't to bad, but he'd still need stitches and help getting around, Dean asks "who said?" as he helps him out of the coffin "the girl who gave me this" Adam dangles a St Jude pendant in his hand tightly as Dean examines it quickly, and finds the engraving 'J.B' on the back.

Dean looks around hysterically for an exit, he looks up, seeing a sky light, he quickly leans Adam against the tomb wall and pulls of the handles of a near by coffin, he stands on the casket, smashes the glass, positions the handle and uses it to wrench himself up. Once on solid ground he reaches down for Adam "take my arm, I'll pull you up" Adam pushes himself off the wall and gazes up at Dean "my Mom! I cant leave her down here!" with all the promise of the world Dean says "we'll come back for her, give her a real burial. I swear we wont let her stay down there, but right now we got'a get to Sam before those things get him to." Adam looks to the casket his mother lies in and nods falteringly, he takes Deans arms and lets him heave him up.

He waits in the car as Dean saves Sam, because he's to injured to do anything right now. After Dean fixes up Sam's and Adam's wounds and gives them all some serious pain killers, they pack up his stuff and head back for his mom, just like Dean promised.

As they watch the flames embrace Kate, Sam cant help but ask "Adam, not that I'm not happy about it but…how'd you survive? Dean said something about a girl and markings on the coffin?" smiling sadly Adam explains "when I was in there, I knew I was goanna die, the ate me alive, I could feel as they chewed at my stomach, but some how she came, this girl. She was crying, saying how sorry she was for not being able to save my mom, but that she could still save me. She gave me this liquid stuff, tasted like grass and iron, said it would help heal me, then she started drawing all this stuff on the casket, said that it would keep them away from me, that she was to weak to carry me, but that my brothers where coming. She sat with me for hours, telling me about hunters, demons, monsters, you. I guess I fell asleep and when I woke up it was dark and then Dean was opening the casket. She saved my life!" he smiled gratefully through his tears of pain "she gave me something for you Sam" the tall man's face filled with confusion "for me?" and Adam dug into his pocket, he held the pendant in his hand and offered it to Sam, who snatched it longingly "where did you get this?" and Adam answers "she said that she's sorry about the hurt, and that you have to stop blaming yourself for her selfish choice."

Sam stares at his baby brother in wonderment "JJ?" and Adam nods solemnly. Feeling confused Dean questions "who's JJ? The notebook girl? The one from that photo?" Sam nods slowly in disbelief "it cant be her! It's not!" Sam cry's. placing a hand on his shoulder dean asks "isn't this a good thing? You said she was a friend right, I mean, she saved Adam!" Sam shakes his head at their confusion and bellows "you don't understand, it cant be JJ ok! There's no way this can be her!" annoyed about his brother rejection of his savour Adam asks "and why the hell cant it?" Sam takes a long gulp and says, his eyes coated in rivers "because JJ killed herself our first year at Stanford!"


	3. Mixed Up World

The three brothers head to Bobby's, having called ahead, telling him about Adam. Sam refused to believe that this could be her, that she would some how be alive and well, but not show herself to him. Both Sam's brothers noticed the tense anger in him, much like Deans when he thought Adam was using John to get them. As they reach the salvage yard they see Bobby waiting for them "so, you mus be Adam, hope your not an idjit like these two!" he jokes, but only Adam and Dean crack a smile "Bobby I, we, need to know what could make itself look like a dead person but have witch powers" Dean's fury screams "witch? JJ was a witch? that's what that crap was?" Bobby just look at them confused but answers the question "I don't think there is a thing like that Sam, nothing I've ever heard of" Adam sighs "Sam it was her, you showed me the picture, I gave you the necklace. I swear on my mothers grave that that was her!" Sam kicks the ground in frustration "I got'a make a call!" and stomps into the maze of cars.

Adam looks at his brother in concern "hey you go see what you can find, am goanna make sure he's ok!" Dean gives him an pat on the back and Bobby a thin smile as he takes off after the tallest of his new brothers. After a moment he hears Sam's gruff and angered voice "I know, look just find what you can, and do it fast!" Sam hangs up the phone and turns to his bother in surprise "hey come on, we're goanna see if we can find anything, wanna come with?" Adam smiles, Sam gives a weary nod and they head back to the house.

Once inside Dean shouts "I cant believe you! You don't just abandon your family and run away to school, but you befriend a witch! A dammed witch Sammy!" he squares up to him, grabbing his shirt and pinning him to the wall "don't you talk about her like that! She wasn't some soul selling whore! its not like that Dean, she wasn't just some witch! she didn't have a choice!" Dean looks at the him confused and see's nothing but pure pain in his brothers eyes. Sam lets him go and they start searching for whatever could do this.

Three nights later and still nothing, the four men hardly sleep and even when they do they take shifts. Adam and Sam search, as Bobby and Dean rest, it's 3:26 am and still they look. Adam turns to the focused Sam "Sam we've been searching for days, I just don't understand why you cant believe that it could be her!" he stiffens, never ripping his tired eyes away from the book in his hands "before she died I did some stuff, said some things, and JJ, the real JJ, if she was back she'd come to me, beat the crap outer me, then tell me it was ok, that it's not my fault that I'm an ass, or something like that. It's just who she was, aggressive, but sweet. I don't expect you to understand." Adam nodded slowly, getting what he meant. Suddenly Dean jerks awake and says "we got'a get to Cas!"

As they drive to the old warehouse they explain to Adam about the angles, they find Jimmy, Castile's vessel. He gets away during the night, wanting to go home to his family, cant really blame the guy, when the bothers catch up with him, they find a few demons at his house. Dean slit's the throat of one and Adam gets Jimmy and his family out, as Sam struggles and fails to de-posses the other one.

After they convince Jimmy to come with them they get a call from his wife, or I suppose the black eyed bitch inside his wife. After everything at the warehouse, Cas going into Claire, killing the demons, Adam, Dean and Cas watching in shock horror as Sam drinks demon blood and Jimmy begging Cas to take him and not his daughter, the brothers get a call to head back to Bobby's, something about the panic room. Dean and Adam exchange looks through the mirror as they dive, already knowing why their really headed back.

Each man sits in awkward silence, whisky in hands as Adam asks "so what now, we just wait?" then the screaming starts and the phone rings "Hello. ...Suck dirt and die, Rufus. You call me again, I'll kill you." taken back a little Dean asks "What's up with Rufus?" and Bobby sighs "He knows." The phone rings and Bobby answers "I'm busy, you son of a bitch. This better be important." as he listens to Rufus his face fall' in the panic room, Sam realizes he's neither gagged nor bound; it surprises him "The answer's yes. You're hallucinating." Sam turns in shock to find his younger self standing there, real as he "That's right, it's me. Or I mean it's you." Sam sighs to himself "I'm losing my mind." with a nod of agreement the boy says "Definitely." and Sam asks "What do you want?" in an angry tone the boy demons "An explanation. How could you do this to me? I thought we were gonna be normal." guilt filled the man "I tried. I did. It didn't pan out that way. Sorry, kid." over taken with anger the boy shouts "'Sorry, kid'? That's what you have to say? It's all we ever wanted. We were so close. You got away from Dad. You quit hunting. You were gonna become a lawyer and get married. Why'd you blow it?" Sam tries to explain to his younger self calmly "Look. They killed Jessica." but he bites back "Yeah. And if you hadn't run off with Dean, if you'd been there to protect her, she'd still be alive. They'd both be alive!" overcome with sorrow Sam admits "I know." and the boy questions "You think Jess or JJ would want you to turn into this? She loved you, they both loved you! You think they'd be happy you using them as an excuse?" unable to take the blame anymore Sam bursts "I'm sorry. I am. But life doesn't turn out the way you thought when you were fourteen years old. We were never gonna be normal. We were never gonna get away. Grow up." suddenly appearing on the other side of him the boy says "Maybe you're right. Maybe there's no escape. After all, how can you run from what's inside you? that's what we said to her right?" and his eyes blink yellow.

In a flash the boys gone and Sam signs in relief "hey Puppy" a sweet, dead, voice says from behind him. He turns to find the 5 foot 2, milky skinned, brunette smiling at him, her bright blue eyes shining with the gentle sparkle he almost forgot "JJ? Is it really you? Or is this another hallucination?" he asks, turning to her. She shrugs lightly, taking small unfocused steps forward "you tell me dude! After all this is your head right?" she jokes kindly, taking a seat next to him. Looking into her eyes, the bluest eyes, he confesses with a sad, sweet smile "I missed you JJ, where'd you go?" he ponders, forgetting for a second what happened. She takes his large tan hand in her small doll like one "what are you talkin about? I've always been hare Puppy, always." he cant help but smile as he feels something warm and sticky trickle onto his fingers, the hand that she's holding.

He looks down and gasps in horror, her wrists are sliced open, crimson life dripping from the broken vain. He cant tear his eyes away from her wrist as it rests on her jean clad, bloody thigh, facing him. A blue forget me not inked next to two dark blue, script styled J's, the slice starting just between the letters, down her fragile silky skin. She looks at his face, and down to see what's wrong, but as she dose it seems memories overflow her.

Her eyes glaze over as she pulls her arms before her, glaring at the long, perfect, lined scarlet gashes "oh my god! I…" Sam tries to place a hand on her shoulder but she moves quickly away from him "this is you! Its your fault!" she screams tears flowing freely "JJ, please, I.." as he stands she continuers "how could you? How could you let this happen? You were meant to be my best friend. I trusted you! I needed you! How could you do this to me?" she sobs heavily as Sam doesn't even bother fighting the tears "JJ, am sorry, I didn't understand, the way I was raised…" but she cuts him off "the way you where raised? You fuckin hypocrite! You called me the devils whore, then turn and become his blood bitch!" she sank to her knees in internal agony "why Sammy? Couldn't you see my pain, how couldn't you see how you broke my heart? What did I do? I chose to live! Is that so wrong? I wanted to live!" she screams as she bursts into flames, Sam ruses to her with terror, but he's to late, all that's left is ash's a sliver pendant "JJ!" he screams in anguish.

The scream can be heard from upstairs as the three men find out about the broken seals and Bobby talks of how Sam could help. Adam stands in protest "no! we need to help him! Demons are evil, their blood is evil, which mean that our brother has it pumping through him and we have to get it out!" with that he storms out the room, not looking back to find the look of pride from Dean.

After wondering round for a long ass time Adam see's Dean talking to Castile, telling his brother how if he stopped Lilith, Sam wouldn't have to, Dean takes a vow to heaven and Cas disappears. The youngest Winchester rises from his hidden spot "what the fuck was that? Giving yourself to heaven! Their just as fucking bad!" Dean looks to him and asks "would you do it? If he'd asked, for Sam?" Adam silence is his only reply.

As they get back inside and tell Bobby about the deal they hear Sam screaming again, but as they talk they find it goes quite, to quite, and rush down to the panic room. They open the slot and see him squirming on the floor, only to be thrown against the wall's and have to tie him down.

As the morning comes Dean confesses that he'd rather have Sam die human, than make him into a monster with the blood. Adam steps out, leaning on one of the many cars, out of the view of the house, he pulls something from his pocket, the picture of Sam, some guy and JJ, that he'd taken from Sam's bag. He looks at it and prays "I know your out there…and I know your real. Sam…he's in bad shape. He needs you! Please JJ, save my brother." and heads back to the house, picture of his un-winged angel in his pocket.

As Sam wakes he is unbound and the door opens, he runs off to get one of the cars out front, but bobby spots him and tries to stop him, however when Sam tells him to shoot, he cant, he cant kill one of the sons he never had and Sam knocks him out. When Adam finds Bobby outside he calls for dean, they wake him with smelling salts and rush to the panic room. Finding the traps broken, they assume it to be ruby's doing.

Meanwhile as Sam and Ruby start talking, he asks about where she's been, what she's found "not much! There ant nothing I've heard about any JJ, but whatever it is, is strong. I mean taking the face of the dead and impersonating witch craft, that's some high rank mojo! I'm sorry your hurting, really, I had no idea dean would do that to you" he sighs, looking to the ground "yeah well, that's not what's hurting most right now!" she nods assuming he means his blood lust, when he in fact means the re-earthed pain of the past, the best friend he drove to suicide, his JJ. She later tells him of Lilith's cook, the baby snatching nurse, and their plain to kill her.

Bobby tells the remaining Winchester that the police found his car and that two other cars went missing, 1999 Honda Civic, blue. Nice and anonymous and a White oh-five Escalade with custom rims. Dean and Adam head for the flashy car, knowing Sam would go off the usual track and Bobby stayed behind to keep an eye on the police database. As they drive Adam looks to his eldest brother "we'll find him right? He'll be ok?" only glancing to the worried boy he nods "course! We'll find em, drag his ass back and fix em up. Everythin'll be fine kiddo, It'll be fine." he tries to reassure not just Adam, but himself as well.

They watch as Sam leaves the room and slip in unnoticed, only to find the demon bitch Ruby packing. Dean goes for her with the demon knife, but Sam buts in, saving her. Adam and Dean glare at the demon as Sam asks her to leave, as they begin to reason that she's an evil hell bitch, he defends her and Adam questions "if JJ, your best friend, was here right now, if she could see you, what do you think she'd say or feel? Hum?" Sam punches his baby brother square in the jaw and Dean punches back "don't you touch him! He's right and you know it! Your girl would kill herself all over again if she could see you now, I may not know her but I now that if she cared the way you say, then she'd rather be dead than witness you…become a monster!" then the fight brakes out between the three. Sam win's turns to leave "you don't know anything her! you don't know me! You never did !" and walks out on his brothers with the promise to never return.

The next day, as Sam waits for Ruby he cant help thinking on both his brothers words, what would JJ think? How would she feel? Was Dean right? It brakes his heart, but he knows that if she saw him like this it would brake hers, her sweet, caring puppy, turned into a demon-blood sucking bitch. She'd cry, he knows, but she's dead, has been for so long, because of him and now something's messing with his guilt and caring for her, he may not know what, but he will, because it cant be her, coz it'd brake her heart and he cant take that, not again.

Sam and Adam drove all night to get back to Bobby's, and Dean refuses to call Sam, as dose Adam, they fight over it and Adam winces at the mention of John, of his cowardice and cant help but agree they are better than him, he pulls out the picture as dean takes to looking out the window again, and he prays to her, once more, to the witch he met, the woman who saved his life, but as he looks up he finds Deans vanished.

Dean walks around the lavish room in wonder, he turns to find burgers and booze on the table, as Cas and Zachariah appear dean gets pissed about the lack of information. he fidgets with his phone after calling Adam and Bobby, letting them know he's ok, he calls Sam and makes the best heart felt apology he can, then the only thing left to do is wait.

Sam and Ruby nap the nurse and torture her at the old abandoned house, they get the information on where Lilith will be come tomorrow night and the Demon lets the poor girl she controls come forth, making it near imposable for Sam to willingly drink from her. As they research they find that the church where Lilith will be was host to a nun massacre done by Azazel back in '72. Sam tries to get Ruby to leave the girl, but they cant and but the girl in the trunk.

As Bobby and Adam search for Sam there's a knock on the door and as Bobby opens it he sees an unknown face in an indigo blue cloche. He stares after the stranger as they rush into the house "Adam! Sam! Dean!" they yell and Bobby yells after them "hey you cant just barge in here!" but as he reaches the living room he finds Adam hugging the uninvited guest "you came!" he smiles and pulling back they answer "yeah, am here, we got'a find em," getting pissed off at the ignoring of him Bobby blurts sarcastically "sorry to interrupt, but do ya mind telling me who da' hell you are?" they turn to him, hand extended "hey, sorry. you mus be Bobby, am JJ" he looks at her in shock, but takes her tattooed wrist.

As Dean passes the room he tips over a statue, then Cas appears, when Dean says he wants to see Sam, Cas refuses and when he tries to leave he finds himself trapped. Instantly he knows something's wrong, he messed up.

Sam stares at the voice message icon, 2 new messages, one from Adam and one from Dean. As he talks to Ruby he cant help but think of his brothers, he only just found Adam and may very well have lost him so soon, then there was Dean, the brother that raised him, and thinks maybe they where right.

Dean uses a statue to make a hole in the wall, only to watch it heal over. Zachariah appears and tells him how they want the apocalypse, how deans destiny is to fight Lucifer not stop him, to let Sam go after Lilith, and also telling him that God is no longer in heaven. As the angel disappears Dean rags out his phone and calls Sam, but only get static as Cas returns, Dean convinces him that helping him is the way to go, but he says no and dean reject him and says "we're done!" and turns away from his onec friend. Zachariah reappears as Cas changes his mind drawing something on the wall and zaps him and dean to Chucks.

JJ starts setting candles out on the floor and Bobby eyes her suspiciously "how do we know we can trust you? Sam didn't believe you are who ya claim, so why should we?" Adam mutters to Bobby defectively as the girl sighs "look you can trust me or not, I don't give a shit either way. But am gonna save Sam!" he takes a predatory step forward "you're a witch! Sold your soul. Why wouldn't you want the devil loose? Why shouldn't I kill you right here?" she turns to him anger and pain in her bright, bright blue eyes "lets get one thing straight, am the good guy here, I don't know you, so I don't give a rats ass if you like me or not, but Sam, Adam and Dean are my priority, so fuck off an let me do my job!" taken back slightly as the small brunette turns and sits in a strange witch symbol, waving for Adam to join her. The sit hand in hand as she begins to chant in Latin "celari vult sua furta Venus, corpora lente augescent cito extinguuntur, corruptio optimi pessima, adsum aut viam inveniam aut faciam Sam Winchester, Caelum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt (Venus desires her thefts to be concealed, Bodies grow slowly and die quickly, The corruption of the best is the worst, I shall either find or make a way to Sam Winchester, Those who hurry cross the sea change the sky [upon them], not their souls or state of mind.)" the flames from the candles grow large and earthly coloured as they rap around the two, as the fire dies the two are vanished and Bobby stand s mouth a gape.

Sam stands outside St Mary's after listening to the messages that gave him forgiveness, comfort and the truth that his friend lived, but had been twisted into messages of hate. His hope slipped, his heart bled and he surrendered to the blood.

As the archangel attacks, Cas transports dean to St Mary's. The moment he arrives he sees burning emerald green flames die he see's his brother and the notebook girl "Adam? JJ?" the small girl realises Adams hands and panics "no time, we got'a stop Sam!" and the three run into the building. As they run to catch up with Sam they see him at the end of a corridor "Puppy!" JJ smiles sadly, ruby turns, her grin evil and true, and shuts the door leading them to their goal.

As Lilith's screams reach their ears we run trying to open the door "move back" JJ cries as the flames emerge from her hands and the she hit's the door, it quivers, and again, and again, until the doors flew open, showing them the scene, a dead Lilith, the blood and Sam in the corner pain and guilt clear on his face, with ruby beside him. She stands as they enter "your to late!" she claims with pride, JJ running to Sam side "Sammy! Am here Puppy, am here!" and she holds his pail scared form "JJ? It's you, it's really you!" he realizes as Adam holds Ruby and Dean shiv's the bitch.

They all stand scared as the blood completes its task "am so sorry!" Sam sobs, as a bright white light embraces them, carrying the four to safty.


	4. Can I Fix it?

_**JJ's P.O.V **_

As the light blinds me I cover my eyes, but within moments the pain vanishes, removing my hands I turn to see Adam next to me, on a plane! "what the hell?" I hear Dean say behind and we turn to them "oh thank god! What happened?" Adam asks his brothers shakily "did you…?" he asks, I shake my head "I didn't do anything! I swear!" then suddenly a bright white light comes from below, in fact it come from where we where moments ago, St Mary's. The rest of the flight is uneventful, except for the nervous whispers.

As we hit the ground we all rush to the car park, and I hotwire a nice dark red range rover. Dean and Sam up front, Adam and I in back, the radio has nothing but lies about St Mary's, just before Sam turns it off I click my fingers and Carrie Underwood's chorus from All American Girl fill s the car '_'And now, he's wrapped around her finger, She's the centre of his whole world, And his heart belongs to that sweet, little, beautiful, wonderful, perfect, All American girl' _I can see Sam's smile even from behind "I forgot about this song!" he admits sadly "well am back to remind you! You know this is my song!" his smile fades and I know he's still in disbelief for the simple fact he wont look at me, and that hurts. Dean turns off the radio and Sam asks "what's JJ's favourite colour?" staring out the window I answer "my favourite colour is Blue." then another question "favourite book?" and blankly I say "Alice in wonderland" and another "favourite meal!" I smile at this and answer, my southern tone returning full force "pint of Pepsi, stake, well done, fries, sweet chilly dip and vanilla Haagen-Dazs for desert! Anything else?" he frowns and looks out the window, as Dean smiles "I like this chick, she knows how to eat!" he says to himself mostly, but I still smile.

As we get the prophets house Sam and Dean walk ahead "hey, jus give him some time. He'll come round" I smile weakly at the sweetness in Adams voice "yeah, maybe" and we walk into the open house. The place is a wreak, tables turned over, paper everywhere, we walk around quietly, inspecting the wreckage "someone had one hell of a party or a real bad cleaner!" I jest, Dean and Adam crack a smile, but Sam just stops, like he's remembering me saying it before, like I know I have.

Suddenly a scruffy little man attacks Sam with a toilet plunger, my hand emerge in flames, ready to fight. I calm as the bearded man asks in confusion "Sam?" holding his head in pain he says "Yeah!" Dean smiles "Hey, Chuck." he stares at us and sighs "So...you're okay?" and Sam tries to joke "Well, my head hurts." but the man corrects "No, I mean—I mean, my—My last vision. You went, like, full-on Vader, Your body temperature was one-fifty. Your heart rate was two hundred. Your eyes were black." but he turn to me "Adam! JJ! Wow, this is…wow!" I smile to him "so you know who I am, and your Chuck the prophet right? Weird, I always thought prophets would be all clean, stupidly sweet and stuff." he looks down at himself in embarrassment and Adam Chuckles beside me.

Dean turns to the shorter man and questioned "where's Cas?" Chuck turns and sighs "He's dead. Or gone. The archangel smote the crap out of him. I'm sorry." obviously upset Dean says "You're sure? I mean, maybe he just vanished into the light or something." Chuck shakes his head "Oh, no. He, like, exploded. Like a water balloon of chunky soup."

Sam takes a closer look at Chuck and waves a hand at his own left ear "You got a—"

And he feels around his head and pulls out what looks like a tooth "oh gross!" I gasp in disgust "Is that a molar? It is. Do I have a molar in my hair? This has been a really stressful day." he mutters to himself. A few seconds later, with a brief warning, Angels are in the room "Thought we'd find you here. Playtime's over, Dean. Time to come with us." the fat, balding one says. Dean points to him angrily "You just keep your distance, asshat." to which he sighs "You're upset." and Dean bites back "Yeah. A little. You sons of bitches jump-started judgment day!" but he rebuttals "Maybe we let it happen. We didn't start anything. Right, Sammy?" he winks to my old friend "call him dat again an I'll rip your tongue out and shove it up ye ass!" he laughs lightly "ooh, you got a feisty one here!" then turns back to Dean. As the conversation rolls on Dean blasts their ass's out with the Sigel he drew when we walked in "Learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch." I smile at their lack of presents and Chuck sighs "This sucks ass."

After we left Chuck's we headed for a motel, Adam and I are salting the windows and doors while Dean clears his gun, Sam walks in and we all turn to him "Hey." Dean and Adam greet, but I wont, I'm pissed at him and he knows it. "Hey." he says back, not looking at me. Still refusing to except my presents. he closes the door, pulls something out of his shirt, and tosses it to Dean, who examines it "Here. Hex bags. No way the angels will find us with those. Demons, either, for that matter." he explains for Adams benefit "Where'd you get it?" I tone out the conversation and Adam looks at me sadly "hey you ok?" I give him a poor excuse for a smile "am fine sweets, am always fine!" he put his hand on my shoulder, a small sign of comfort "it'll be ok" I nod lightly and turn from him, knowing he saw my look of disbelief.

I look to Sam, who's sitting on the bed, ignoring me "Sam we need to talk!" I say both Adam and Dean spear a glance at us but then carry on cleaning the weapons "there's nothing to talk about." he stands and I feel everything I felt that night come back "you know what! Fine! Fuck you Sam! I committed the ultimate sin and then got set to the pit and I didn't crawl out of hell for this bullshit! I wish I'd stayed dead!" I scream, running from the room, I reach the end of the street before I brake, tears flooding my eyes and raceing down my face, I fall to the ground and rest against the crumbling wall behind me, sobing heavily.

_**Adam P.O.V**_

As JJ runs from the room I go to chase after her, but Dean holds me back "give the girl her space dude." I nod and turn to Sam, who doesn't even seem to care and I boil over "what the fuck is wrong with you? That girl saved my life, crawled out of hell and did everything she could to save you, and you just make her feel like nothing! What did she do? Huh? She hurt your feelings because she killed herself! _she killed herself!_ and you're the one feeling mopey. You don't deserve her!" with that I storm out of the room, not able to look at my brother anymore. I turn the road, looking it up and down, to see a crying girl slumped against a wall. I run over and she dose nothing the hide her tears as I take a seat next to her. I pull her to me as she cries whispering sweet nothing to her.

After a few minutes she lifts her head and wipes her eyes "sorry, god I must look a wreak!" she says and I smile "it's fine and you look fine! Hey, what do you say we find a bar, get wasted, then puke on Sam when he's asleep?" she laughs, the gentle sparkle returning to her, unbelievably blue, eyes "that sounds good, lets go" I help her up and we go to find a bar, somewhere to drown our sorrows.

_**Dean P.O.V**_

I look at my mop haired brother and sigh "she seems like a nice girl, why you bein such a ass to her?" he doesn't look at me but answers "I don't know how to handle this Dean" I scoff and bite "well you couldn't of handled it worse. Kids got'a point ya know. I mean, you did make the chick cry!" he looks to me and I can see the pain on his face "come on. Lets go find em." I stand and he follows me sadly. I just want to punch him, because, yeah, he made a fricken girl cry! And that shit ant right.

We've been wondering round for about an hour when Sam traps me on the arm "hey, look" he nods towards a karaoke bar and I stare at him, confused "a karaoke bar? Seriously?" as we start walking he explains "JJ loves music, she used to work as a singer in the bar I went to back at Stanford, said it was her outlet." by this time we're pushing the door open and searching the crowd, but our eyes become glued to the strange, because there stands JJ, hair framing her pail face, t-shirt and jeans hugging her in all the right places and tears in her eyes, singing her soul out.

(Kelly Clarkson - Behind these Hazel eyes)

"_Seems like just yesterdayYou were a part of meI used to stand so tallI used to be so strongYour arms around me tightEverything, it felt so rightUnbreakable, like nothin' could go wrongNow I can't breatheNo, I can't sleepI'm barely hanging on_

I turn to Sam and can see the tears form in his eyes and decide to go find our baby brother. As I slip through the large crowed I look to JJ and cant help but thing what could make such a nice, pretty southern girl kill herself.

_Here I am, once againI'm torn into piecesCan't deny it, can't pretendJust thought you were the oneBroken up, deep insideBut you won't get to see the tears I cryBehind these hazel eyesI told you everythingOpened up and let you inYou made me feel alrightFor once in my lifeNow all that's left of meIs what I pretend to beSo together, but so broken up inside'Cause I can't breatheNo, I can't sleepI'm barely hangin' onHere I am, once againI'm torn into piecesCan't deny it, can't pretendJust thought you were the oneBroken up, deep insideBut you won't get to see the tears I cryBehind these hazel eyes_

I see Adam sitting at the bar staring mournfully to the witch on stage, like all he wants is to hold her and make it better. I can tell he trusts her with his life, hell he screamed at Sam, someone almost twice his size and strength for her.

_Swallow me then spit me outFor hating you, I blame myself Seeing you it kills me now No, I don't cry on the outside Anymore...Anymore...Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretendJ ust thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes_

As I reach him he looks to me with a thin smile "hey Dean, you want a drink?" I shake my head at him and wonder "no, how'd you even get served?" he motions his head to JJ "she magic'd up some fake ID's for us" he pulls out the perfect, undetectable ID "cool right" taking another swig of beer. I pull it out of his hand mid-swig and gulp it down. Then turn to see our tall, floppy haired brother make his way to the stage.

_Here I am, once againI'm torn into piecesCan't deny it, can't pretendJust thought you were the oneBroken up, deep insideBut you won't get to see the tears I cryBehind these hazel eyes"_

_**Sam P.O.V**_

I attack through the mob as the song ends, only for JJ to see me and run for the exit, to the back ally. I follow her outside "JJ, wait!" but she marches on, I take large steps and grab her arm turning her to me "JJ please…" but I don't get to finish as her small doll hand connects with my face, hard! "who the fuck do you think you are? Huh? You act like am some impostor, treat me like shit, then decide you wanna talk! I don't fuckin think so!" she yanks her arm out of my grip and I stay silent, knowing she isn't finished "what did I do Sam? What? Because of what I am, because these's all magic and stuff in me? Because of Rex? I didn't want this! I didn't have a chose, but what I did have a chose in was trusting you! I choose to trust you and you turned on me, made me feel like nothing but some evil bitch! I needed you, my best friend! You saw the way he was, the way he treated me! And then you blamed me for defending myself!" I don't look a her, I cant, so I look at the wall, knowing I've done her wrong.

I hear her sobbing and cant help but remember the night I found out, the night she called me for help and later I told her she was something I should and would kill. And I hate myself, but I cant hold my own tongue "if I was so important to you then why didn't you come back? When you got out, why did I have to hear from Adam that you where alive? Why didn't you come to me?" I look at her now, because I need to know, but I regret it, because it's like am there again, and the worst part is she hasn't aged or changed, she's still the crazy best friend I knew "because I thought you'd hate me still, and I couldn't take the way you looked at me those last few days again. It just hurt to much" she's sobbing into her hands now and I cant help but want to fix her "JJ, what I did to you, I'll never forgive myself and I don't expect you to forgive me! But I am so sorry, for everything, and I know there's nothing I can do to make it better or take it back, but I wanna be the way we were, I want to have you throw French fries at me when I'm being a moody bitch and call me a girl, I want to hear you call me that horrible nickname, but mostly, I want you to sing again, like before, you were always humming and singing and happy and Rex and I ruined that, please cant we go back?" I stare hopefully into her eyes, my silent prayer.

As she looks up to me her eyes glitter and a side smile shines in the dark ally "well we can try, I didn't go through all this for nothing! But I need time, you hurt me Sam, hurt me real, real bad and I need time!" I cant help but smile "of cause! Anything you need. Oh and …um…I think you'll be wanting this back." I gently move the pendant from my neck and hand it to her, her face shining "you kept it! I thought you'd leave it behind or something!" I cant help but feel bad "I know how much that means to you, I could never have left it, I have your notebook to" as she pulls it over her head she takes a step forward and taps her arms around me "thank you Puppy" I smile, stroking her soft raspberry scented locks and know that I can save us, she can save me.

_**JJ P.O.V**_

Once we're back at the apartment Sam starts looking over his dads journal for clues, Dean watches TV and Adam and I start making dinner in the small kitchen unit. There is a knock at the door and Dean pulls his gun, Sam answers, while Adam picks up a gun also, and my hand twitches with a silvery-blue energy light ball, the men look at it in wonder for a moment. As Sam opens the door I can hear heavy breathing on the other side "You okay, lady?" San questions and the bewildered female voice asks "Sam...is it really you?" he looks to Dean and us then back at the blond woman "No. But I know you. You're Sam Winchester. And you're—" she looks at Dean, who's staring at her along with us, his gun hand out of sight "—not what I pictured. I'm Becky." she pushes past him into the room and I let my energy ball bleed out "I read all about you guys. And I've even written a few—" Becky glances down, giggling a little "Anyway, Mr. Edlund told me where you were." Dean stand, Adam and I walk over quickly "Chuck?" Dean asks as Sam closes the door. "He's got a message, but he's being watched. Angels. Nice change-up to the mythology, by the way. The demon stuff was getting kind of old." Sam looks at the small girl like she's crazy, which I think she is "Right. Just, um...what's the message?" and she closes her eyes doing some hand, air reading thing "He had a vision. "The Michael sword is on earth. The angels lost it." We look to her in hope "The Michael sword?" and Sam asks where it is and she says "In a castle, on a hill made of forty-two" after a moment she takes a step closer to and starts touching his chest "Um, Becky, c—uh, can you...quit touching me?" to which she answers bluntly "No."

We all stare as she kinder gropes Sam and I sigh in annoyance, grabbing her hand and throwing it to the side "ok, lady, he don't want you touchin him! So don't!" she goes to say something with an angry expression but just gasps staring at my chest! I look down to find her actually looking at my pendant "oh my god! JJ?" I nod confused "yeah, was I mentioned in the books or something?" she smiles brightly "mentioned! You have your own spin off!" I cant help but smile a little "really?" she nods excitedly "yeah, JJ: the fight for freedom was the last book! About you hiding in hell, mastering you powers to free yourself and save Sam! I'm so sorry about what happened, that Rex, deserved it!" anger overflows me "wait…what? Oh my god, am gonna kill the scruffy little bastard!" Sam takes hold of my shoulder in comfort and I see her leaning in to touch my hair "if you touch me, I swear I'll remove every inch your skin with a cheese grater!" and she steps back and leaves.

I walk over to the kitchen and continue with dinner "so…who's Rex?" I hear Dean say from across the room and I pick up a spatula and throw it at him, hitting him hard in the chest, he winces "ok, sore subject. Got it." and they go to call Bobby with the new info.

The next day we wait patiently for Bobby, the impala and his books. When he gets here we start looking into Michel, and Sam confesses about his part in freeing Lucifer, Bobby freaks and Adam tries to protest for his brother, unsuccessfully, my heart brakes for Sam who suggests "There's an old church nearby. Maybe I'll go read some of the lore books there." as he goes to leave I grab my coat "Puppy wait up!" and follow him closely. We get to the church and we take a seat each in the middle row "he hates me!" he declares looking straight a head. I pull his head round to face me, one hand in his hair the other on his soft cheek "don't say that! He just got overwhelmed, he'll come round" his tears fall silently as he throws himself into my arms, holding me as though I might disappear. The priest see's us and walks over, asking gently "is everything alright?" I smile sadly, Sam pulls away wiping furiously at his eyes "where fine, thank you father. In fact we where wondering if you had anything about Michel we could read" Sam asks as we stand before the old gray haired priest "why of course we do son, this way" and we carry on with our work.

Later on we walk back to the motel, empty handed, and as we enter see Dean and Adam fighting with demons, Bobby bleeding on the floor the girl grabs Adam by the throat and turns to us announcing herself my energy flows out silvery-blue mist surrounding me "emus these Demons from noster aedificati (Remove these Demons from our house)" and in a misty flash there gone "we got'a hurry that wont kill em" we each rush to Bobby and get him to the hospital as quick as we can.

When we get to the hospital they take Bobby off on a gurney and Dean says we got'a go, but Sam's reluctant "look you two go get the sward, we'll stay here, make sure he's ok" they nod and quickly rush out. I turn to Adam "so we need to get our story straight, when they ask, he's are dad, we where on our way home and some guy tried to rob us, Bobby fought him off and got stabbed, the guy took off an two nice guys gave us a ride the hospital, ok?" he nod "yeah that sounds good. Can you act?" I just smile at him "am a southern gale, we can all act!" he Chuckles lightly as we wait for the interrogation and news on Bobby.

_**Adam P.O.V**_

I cant believe it, here we are being questioned about Bobby's stabbing and she's crying, fuck me she's good "I don't understand, I mean, we just went out for a family dinner, that's all and then this guys just shows up and he…oh god, daddy!" she sobs into my shoulder, my arms around her "its ok, he's gonna be ok" I say sadly, look up to the two police men and feel better for it at their sympathetic stares. Damn is she good! "look…um…I think we have everything we need. We'll leave you two to see your Dad." she wipes her eyes on he sleeve and smiles up at me "hey not to bad for a chick huh?" she smiles at me and we go to find Bobby asleep in his bed.

After the doctors tell us the news I turn the small brunette "is there anything you can do? A spell?" she turns to me sadly "it don't work like that sweetie. Healing takes time, no matter what. There is a potion, but it's a long process. We're gonna need some stuff" I turn to her hope in my eyes and she smiles "look, I'll go get the stuff you wait here, I could be a while." and she leaves the room to find her ingredients. I walk over to Bobby's sleeping form and smile "you'll be ok Bobby, she'll save you, just like she saved me." I smile to myself and get comfy on the near by chair.

_**Sam P.O.V **_

As we get back to the hospital we find Adam and Bobby both sleeping peacefully, but JJ's no where to be seen. I sit up in Bobby's room for over an hour while Dean goes to sleep in the car, then she walks in "hey where you been?" I stand, trying not to sound worried. She smiles back as me and whispers "I was making this elixir for Bobby, help heal him up." I sigh, relived and she pulls five small vial's out of her pocket, a greyish-green "what's is that?" she smiles up and me "rosemary, wale tongue, shifter blood, goats eye and mint, just for flavour!" I look at them in disgust "that's gross" she just giggles "well good thing they ant for you!" she puts them away safely and pull out another chair, she leans on me and uses Adam as a foot rest "night Sammy-boy" I smile, letting her get comfy "night JJ" and finally drift to sleep.

The next morning, when the doctor tells Bobby the extensity of his injuries he flips "Unlikely to walk again? Why, you snot-nosed son of a bitch! Wait till I get out of this bed!" the door bursts open and the Doctor flees "I'll use my game leg and kick your friggin' ass! Yeah, you better run!" he looks over the Dean and I, resting by the window, JJ and Adam on the other side by the door "You believe that yahoo?" Dean chirps in "Screw him. You'll be fine." and JJ smiles "yeah, just take those vials I gave you, one a week! It'll take time but soon you'll be up and about" I smile at her gift to him "So, let me ask the million-dollar question. What do we do now?" and Bobby sighs "Well... We save as many as we can for as long as we can, I guess. It's bad. Whoever wins, heaven or hell, we're boned." at this Dean suggest that we don't fight for heaven or hell, but for humanity, to save as many as we can as long as we can and we all agree, it's nuts, but it's all we got. As we leave Bobby tells me that what the demon said was bullshit and that he'd never abandon me and that is a prayer answered for me.

As we walk to the car I throw out a suggestion "You know, I was thinking, Dean—maybe we could go after the Colt." but Dean scoffs "Why? What difference would that make?"and I try to reason "Well, we could use it on Lucifer. I mean, you just said back there—" but he explains that that was for Bobby's benefit, that he cant pretend everything's ok, I cant blame him, but what stings most are those last words "I just don't think I can trust you." and he gets in the car, I sigh sadly, when a hand is on my shoulder I turn to JJ and Adam "what do I do?" I ask, JJ smiles up at me her eyes glittering "you earn it back Puppy! Just trust me!" I smile down to her and my baby brother "shot gun!" she shouts, running to the car giggling. Adam sighs next to me and smiles "ant she something?" and walks to the car, I smile and follow after him "yeah she is." and we drive off in a family full Impala.


End file.
